The Storm
by chasingwords
Summary: Post season 3 finale fic. Katherine Beckett hates hospitals. She hates thunderstorms. She hates nightmares. She hates been alone and left with her dark thoughts. Maybe, though, she not that alone in that hospital room that she thought she was.


**TITRE**: The Storm

_Post season 3 finale fic. Katherine Beckett hates hospitals. She hates thunderstorms. She hates nightmares. She hates been alone and left with her dark thoughts. Maybe, though, she not that alone in that hospital room that she thought she was. Maybe this comforting presence will help her to fall asleep again._

**A/N**: This is what happens when i'm all alone in my house, feeling lonely when there's a thunderstorm outside. I have to admit this is un-bêta for now, but i'll edit it as soon as it changes. The thing is that's my first official english fic (english isn't my first language) and maybe the longest thing i ever wrote in english. That explain why i couldn't wait to post it. First, i wanted to do multiples OS about Kate's recovery and put them all together in a multi-chapter fic (had a lot of ideas). I wasn't supposed to write this one but once i had the idea about the storm and everything, i just had to write it. Of course, i had to named this fic as the lifehouse song, i couldn't do otherwise.

Hope you'll enjoy it and review please, it would means the world to me.

* * *

><p><em>if I could just see you <em>  
><em>everything will be alright <em>  
><em>if I'd see you <em>  
><em>the storminess will turn to light<em>

_and I will walk on water _  
><em>and you will catch me if I fall <em>  
><em>and I will get lost into your eyes <em>  
><em>and everything will be alright <em>  
><em>and everything will be alright<em>

**_Lifehouse_ -****Storm**

Katherine Beckett opened her mouth to scream but not a single sound seemed to get out. Instead, pain was spreading all over her body, making her suffer in a way that made her want to scream even louder. She suddenly opened her panicked eyes, hoping to find a safer world there than the one she was in in her nightmare. A nightmare? Was it really this, as real as it seemed? Heavily breathing and still panicked, she glanced around and realized she was still in this hospital room, the one she hadn't left since she was shot, a couple of days ago. Seeing the familiar place, even in the dark, helped her a bit to calm down and that's only then she realized her hands were shaking. Damn nightmares, she thought, the memory of the horribles things she saw flashing behind her eyes. Kate closed them and tried to breath normally, focusing on the sound of the rain hitting her room's window to slow down her heartbeat and push away her nightmares. The thing is, she couldn't forget the memories still playing in her head, over and over again. It's been a bit over a week since she's been shot at Montgomery's funeral. She had no idea of what her first days in hospital looked like because she was always asleep but as far as she remembered it, this same damn nightmare came back almost every night. Every night she was haunted with the memories of her mom, the recent events. Almost every night she would feel this pain in her chest as intense as just after she was shot. Almost every night, in her dreams, she ended up on the ground, fighting against the pain spreading in every part of her body, against losing consciousness. Almost every night, she could see Castle's face above her head, pale, broken, holding her and begging her to stay with him. Telling her he loves her. Almost every night, she woke up with this urge of screaming, even though not a damn sound was getting out of her mouth.

At the thought of the nightmare she just had, Kate felt her eyes fill up with tears. Sometimes, she wished she could all forget about this, erase the events from her memory so she would ease her pain. Sometimes, she wished they had never found out about the captain being the Third cop, so he wouldn't had died. She wished she wouldn't had been so stubborn about her mother's case. It felt like a knife in her chest to know it was all her fault. However, she knew she had to remember these things because it was part of what she will become, because she had learned from this. Because it was part of her. Tonight, she simply had not enough strength to fight these, to keep high the wall into her, so she let the tears fall freely on her cheeks. The last week has been tough, but, her stubborness made her fought harder to survive, to heal as fast as possible. Her stubborness kept her friends on hoping she would get out of this whole. They all knew her so well. But now, she was alone, all alone in her hell. No one was there to check on her. Her family was gone. The loneliness she was feeling, much intense now because of her nightmare, seemed to weight like bricks on her shoulder. To ease the hurt, she tried to focus on the music of the rain and make it a lullaby to bring her back to sleep, but her dark thoughts wouldn't go away. Kate ended up thinking of Josh, even though she knew it wouldn't help her to calm down. The last time she saw him was the first time he visited her to the hospital. She was awake, but weak at the time, but it didn't keep them from fighting. They fought because he decided to leave for Africa again, even though her girlfriend was in a hospital bed and had been shot. They fought because he was never there when it counts. This strong and loud discussion sucked out the little strength she had managed to recover from the days before. However, when Lanie finally managed to kick Josh out, after she saw what he had done to her bestfriend, Kate stayed so angry her body was tensed and she was breathing heavily.

And that was how they broke up. Because of a fight they already had ten thousand times.

Now, she felt even lonelier and, for a second, she tried to picture herself, all alone in her big apartment, having to deal with everything she's been through by herself. Kate was never really in love with Josh, even though she wanted so much so be, but, at least, he made her feel less lonely. Well, the few times they were actually able to be together for a couple of hours. The tears were falling harder. Alone. She was alone. It was as if the events of the last few days isolated her from the rest of the world, as much as the people she called her family came by to visit her. Alone in the middle of people she loved. As if weather was trying to represent the tempest and the desesperation growing into her, thunder appeared in the clouded sky, followed by his very own sound. Kate almost jumped on her bed, shivers running under her skin, her teary eyes now wide opened. She stopped breathing for a few seconds, feeling a bit pathetic because she had always hated thunderstorms. The fearless Katherine Beckett was scared of thunder? She was lucky few people actually knew about it or she would be teased so badly…especially by certain writer. A writer that was probably sleeping in his own house, with Martha and Alexis.

"Kate?"

Surprised by this voice, she jumped a bit. Wasn't she alone in this room? Her eyes glanced around the room again, trying to find out where does this familiar voice was coming from. Then, Kate noticed a shadow she hadn't seen the last time she checked, when she woke up. It took her a few seconds before she understood, but when she did, a smile started to spread all over her face. The first sincere smile in what it seemed a very long time, mixed up with the tears on her cheeks. Was he really sleeping on that chair instead of coming back to his own house? As to confirm who it was, another lightning lighted up the sky to show her Rick's face. She had enough time to see the concern written all over his big blue eyes before he sinked in the dark again. It was him. Castle was there, beside her this uncomfortable chair.

"You okay Kate? I thought you were asleep."

He quietly whispered to her, but she could still feel how worried he was behind the quiet words. He made her think about her nightmares and the smile on her face melted a bit. Rick couldn't see her tears, but she knew he was aware something was wrong. For a second, Kate opened her mouth to ask him what he was still doing here when the guys and Alexis tried to get him out so he would eat and sleep a bit. Knowing that it wouldn't matter for now, she let others words getting out of her lips.

" I-I'm okay. I just…did this nightmare again and i couldn't fall back asleep " she answered him.

Couple of nights ago, she woke up screaming and he had to confort her, giving her no choice but telling him what her nightmares was about. Rick knew and didn't seem surprised with her answer. He nodded quietly, but even though it was dark, she could see the half-relief staying on his face. Maybe Castle thought she was physically suffering or something. They stayed silent for a little while, when another lightning appeared in the sky, lighthing up the room again. She shivered and pulled a face, attempting to leave this unnoticed by the writer. Even in the darkness of her hospital room, Kate could see the tender but still worried smile growing up in Castle's face and knew she failed. Now, he knew all about her not liking the lightning.

"Are you telling me that the famous and fearless Katherine Beckett is scared of lightnings?" he teased her, in a attempt to distract her from her nightmares.

She grinned again. He knew she was still haunted by her nightmares, even though she was completely awake now. As if he could actually read her mind and know exactly how preoccupied she was. No, not as if; he just knew, in a way only Castle could know. And now, Castle was teasing her, making her laugh because that was what she needed. To think about something else than her nightmares or her dark thoughts.

" No, i'm not. I just don't….like them much."

He made a skeptical face only to tease her more, hoping for a reaction. She was barely hiding the grin shinning on her pale face. He just knew what she needed, as always, and managed to give it to her in his very own Castle way.

"Well, that's what everyone is saying when they are actually scared"

" Maybe, but if you tell a word, only a word about this to the guys….you're gonna pay so hard for this when i'll be on my feet again" she answered, whispering. Kate wouldn't tell him about that, but she was glad he began their usual little game. She actually almost forgot the lightning when the room lighted up again, making her jump. Rick stood up and headed toward her.

"Not scared you said?" he asked her, sit on her bed. Rick was closer now and Kate could see his face more distinctly than before. His eyes were glowing in the dark, the spark he always had when he teased her lightning his face. Then, he suddenly became serious and he stared at her, as if he was silently asking her permission. Maybe Castle felt her need for human warmth or not being alone? It wouldn't even have surprised her. Without breaking eye contact and with a sweet slowness, he laid down on the edge of the bed, right beside her. It was as he wasn't sure Kate would accept him in and he was watching her reaction, ready to retreat back on his chair if she pushed him away. She stayed still, barely breathing but needed him so badly against her. She let him get closer and closer while they were staring each other into a silent discussion. Slowly, Rick wrapped his arms around her. She hesitated for a few seconds, scared of what was happening, but her nightmares and her weakness made her so tired to fight that she let her guards down. Tonight, she didn't have the strength to fight the feelings she had been hiding for so long. Not now, when she was craving his proximity and the comfort she knew his warm body would bring to hers. Kate let her head rest on his right shoulder and closed her eyes. She would have all the time of the world to deal with their closeness later. She was just too tired to be scared of him, to freak about this. His warmth was feeling so good against her skin, after the coldness of her nightmare and the loneliness. His smell filled her nose as she breathed him and it comforted her in a way words couldn't. Actions speak louder than words. They were okay. She was gladder than never he was there for her, but, after all, hadn't he said always?

"It's okay Kate, you're not alone. I'm there. Others will be there too. I'll always be there" he whispered to her with his soothing voice, even though she mentioned nothing about feeling lonely. Again, she wasn't surprised; they were always like this.

Feeling Rick next to her made Kate realized how much she was wrong for thinking she was alone. She saw the extraordinary relief in the faces of Rick, Lanie, Esposito, Ryan, her dad, even Martha and Alexis when she finally woke up, when the doctor brought good news. She saw the concern and she knew they were worried, she knew they were her family and they wanted her alive and well. She knew she had to fight not only for her own survival, but for them too. Because they were all there for her. Rick was there for her too. One of the few things that made her keep fighting against her pain these last few days was them. She wanted to keep fighting for the captain, because he died trying to protect her and he would want her to live. She wanted to fight for her mother, because her dad was right. The words he told her, few days ago, were etched in her memory. For her mom, her daughter's life would always be far more important than her own murdered been resolved. Her mom would want Kate to be happy and live her life, not spending the rest of it buried in her job. As stubborn as she ever was, Kate knew he was right about anything. She promised to her dad to be more careful, but she knew deep inside that, the next time she would have to face her mother's case, walking away from it would be difficult, almost impossible. It would probably be one of the most difficult thing she had done in her life. But she wasn't alone and Rick, laying beside her, was the biggest proof of it. Kate could do it. After all, she wanted to live for all of them, for Castle too. She wanted to share the good moments, the hardest one, the tears, the laughs, the teasing, another beer in the Old Haunt, another girl night or poker game. And damn, she had seen how much Castle was broken when she got shot, how desesperate he was. Kate was sure of, at least, one thing; she never ever want to see him like this again, neither she never ever want to see Lanie, Esposito, Ryan and her dad like this again.


End file.
